There are three simple secrets to a hot and happy marriage:

  1. Touch
  2. Commitment
  3. Play

That’s it. Really! If it’s so simple, why is it so hard? Right?

Don’t get me wrong, marriage is tough and takes constant attention. You absolutely can’t put your marriage on autopilot and expect it to be hot and happy!

So, let’s dig in to learn more about these juicy secrets.


I can’t underscore enough how important touch is in your relationship. Touch releases oxytocin, the love hormone. This magic chemical is how nature bonds couples. The more you touch, the closer you feel. Now let’s be clear, touch has many meanings.

Lovingly touching your loved one as you pass them in the hallway is a perfect way to show you care. You’re saying I notice you, I love you, and I want you all with this one gentle touch. This, in turn, triggers an oxytocin dump for both of you. Plus, it makes your partner feel cherished. Who doesn’t love that?

Touch is about holding hands. Sitting together on the sofa, touching, while watching TV. Snuggling at night in bed as you wind down from your day. In the truck, sitting next to one another like high school kids. Touch builds relationship and reassures partners that they are connected and here for one another.

Touch often leads to the bedroom with some red-hot sexy sex. This is a bonus! But touch is not used to be manipulative with the ulterior motive ending up in the bedroom. Touch comes from a sincere place of authentically desiring to be joined with our partner. Sincere, loving touch soothes the soul and strengthens bonds.


Talk about splitting up is off the table, forever! Y’all are in this together, forever. There may be seasons where it doesn’t feel as good as others, but these shall pass. The beautiful, yet old-fashioned, idea of commitment rules the relationship and all decisions. Period.

In turn, the rock-solid foundation of this relationship provides each partner a secure place to return from the ravages of day to day life. You choose to turn to each other for just about everything because in your commitment to each other you have forged trust. Each partner knows the other will respect and honor his or her needs, unconditionally. And this feels good as it meets the basic human need of feeling bonded to a committed partner.

Hot and happy marriages have committed partners. They support one another through adventures and heart breaks. There are disagreements, no doubt. But these are handled in an adult manner with cool heads. The give and take works because each partner feels their needs are met and validated.


Play is indeed magical! Partners must take time to be silly together. They choose to find things to bring laughter into the relationship multiple times a day. You and your partner need endorphin dumps just like you need oxytocin dumps. This brings joy and happiness into the relationship. This happiness fills you body with joy as you think of your partner during the day.

Play includes doing things and going places together. This involves all kinds of adventures from vacations to explore new and exciting places to going to the grocery store. To feel securely attached to your partner, you HAVE to spend time together. Period.

Play encompasses togetherness activities such as taking the dog on a walk. Cleaning out the garage. Driving through the pasture to check on cattle. Watching a movie. Exercising. And, of course, red-hot sexy sex! This can be a planned date night or dancing to the radio in the morning, getting worked up, and getting a quickie before work. The important thing about play is that it feels fun, creates laughter, and offers partners quality time together. This quality time is the glue that bonds your relationship.

Final Thoughts

So, there it is, three secrets to a happy and hot marriage. This is not rocket science…this is determination, choices, and persistence. It’s not giving up when the going gets tough. It’s treating your partner with respect, positive regard, and unconditional acceptance. It’s thinking before you speak. It’s being genuinely interested in the person to whom you’ve committed your life. It’s remembering why you made this commitment every single day.

Yep, you better believe it’s a lot of work. It’s worth it.


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